Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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