Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
