Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
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What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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