When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My ass is underappreciated
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
