HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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