I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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