this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
