The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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