My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
