So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
