I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
