walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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