Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
