lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
