I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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