Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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