I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dick very happy bro
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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