got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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