happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
