I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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