Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
