You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
