I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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