Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
