I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Randomize
