Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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