So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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