I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
