Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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