Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
