Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
