Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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