I want to walk on stilts...naked
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
