Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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