so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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