she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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