We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
