Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
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I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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