i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
