Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
