Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
