They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
