why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
