I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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