Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
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His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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