Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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