Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
