You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
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I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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