You're completely useless in the revolution.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
