It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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