I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
