I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
