how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
