Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
