he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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