have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
