did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
