My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
