Are we in a gay sports bar?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
