Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
