I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
