While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
