omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
