then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
