A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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