Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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